I used to say, “Be wary of the chick who has no girlfriends.” Because, really, if she has no girlfriends, there is probably a reason. Until I realized, I’m that girl!
Well, I was that girl. And I’m also kinda exaggerating. I did have girlfriends, just not nearly as many as I do guy friends. Why do I have more dudemanbro’s than honeygirlsisterloveyouslutbitches in my life? I blame my line of work. I’m also serially monogamous, having had a few months of down long between three long term relationships. In two of those relationships, I lost the friends in the divorce. 🙁
As such, I’ve never been to a bachelorette party. I’ve been to a bachelor party (AS A GUEST! AS A GUEST!), which makes the first statement even more upsetting and sad. However, since the advent of my current relationship, and since it’s a steady and stable one at that, I’ve amassed quite an impressive arsenal of vulva-owning human companions. In the past year, I have been invited to not one, not two, but three bachelorette parties! Go me.
I think gawd doesn’t want me to have girlfriends. You see, for each bachelorette party, I was out of town. And not just in the next city. More like over the Pacific Ocean, weeping into my century egg congee because I was in China while my very first, then second bachelorette party went underway without me. Or pensively sipping a gin and tonic while Skrillex lulled me into dolefulness last week in Las Vegas for missing my third party… Ok, not really. I was bummed to have missed it- but Skrillex. was. awesome… And I was in Vegas for work (Internext and AVN).
My friend Jill took pity to my plight. Jill was one the bachelorettes who had invited pervy ol’ me. She’s since gotten married, but is having another ceremony in India. That calls for another party! And hence came the fourth bachelorette party I’ve been invited to and the first one I was able to attend. Sadly, no penis veils or blow job shots, but we did have alot of fun. Almost too much fun. 🙂 Almost.
Le sigh. I love my girlfriends.
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